Why am I me? Why do I have this mind? Why do I think this way? Why am I so damn concerned about what everyone else wants for me, but for some reason I won’t just stand up and do what I want to do?
Yeah people are going to make comments and state their opinions. They already have. You know this. The world is big and it is really scary. You know what it is you want to do. So why don’t you just do it? You know in your heart what you’re meant to do right now. This isn’t news to you. You have nothing in your way. The world is yours Kels. Go take it. Go learn. Go write. Go meet people. Go have fun. Go make mistakes. Go be you.
Nobody around here is capable of understanding the things you feel and no one is able to wrap their heads around the things you want to do. That’s okay. They don’t have to. It’s up to you. You are the only one who can do it. And you can. It’s right there. Everything you want is possible. But you have to work. You have to sit down and do the fucking work. You know that no one is going to do it for you, so why are you waiting for them to? You have the ability to do so much good and make yourself happy. Can you just take your head out of your ass long enough to understand that? Because once you get a taste of what you’re able to do, you won’t stop. You won’t let up. You know what you want but you don’t know where to start. That’s okay. You’ll figure it out. But don’t rush into something you don’t want. You’ll regret it. Don’t be afraid to change your direction again. Don’t let the comments of your parents and friends stop you from doing what you know you need to do. It’s not their life. It’s yours. They can judge and comment and try and kick you down a step but you will be strong and instead of letting them take you down. You will rise. You always have. You’ve never let anyone take you down for good. You have always gotten back up. You’ve been through too much to stop now. You deserve happiness and you will find it. You have to look and you have to look hard because it’s not going to find you. You’ve been working a long time. Happiness is on its way. It can’t be too far now. You can feel it. But you can’t stop working now.
You’re so stressed and you worry too damn much about something being wrong with you. You are fine. You are healthy. You are safe. You just need to find peace within yourself. And you will. You will. I know it deep down. Find that inner voice to calm and guide you. Kick the little asshole out that is only there to bring you down. It’s been there your entire life and you don’t need it anymore. You never did. But you need to find a way to get rid of it. It’s hurting you so bad. You have to find something to mask that voice. Kick him out. His echoes only worry you. His whispers only scare you. But you are in control and you are strong enough to get rid of him. Do it. You can. You will.
I think that it is extremely important to give yourself pep talks. I have noticed a theme in my writing lately. I am constantly reminding myself of what I know I’m capable of. I’m drilling the idea of success into my brain. Doing so has brought me to a point of immense confidence in myself. I now feel safe sharing the crazy thoughts and ideas that go through my head daily. Sure, I’ll take it slow; but I’m doing it. I am finally doing something with what I’ve been given.
I don’t think that this idea just goes for me, and the idea of being a writer. The practice of constantly telling yourself that you are capable of anything will help anyone, in pursuit of being anything.
While I used to be worried that I would come across as cocky by being so outspokenly confident in myself—I’m not anymore. The reason I’m not worried anymore is because I now know that back then I wasn’t truly confident in myself. I liked to pretend that I was, but everyone knew how much I was struggling. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still struggling. But now I’m embracing it as an opportunity to grow. And I’m doing my best to not let myself get so low that I don’t know which direction is up anymore. I don’t want to go through that again. However, I’m also accepting that it is pretty much inevitable that I will get that way again.
The point I’m trying to make, though, is that you never have to stay that way. It is harder as a human being to sit on your butt and do nothing than it is to get up and live your life. Sure, achieving your dreams is a lot of work, but is it really work if you’re moving towards something you love?