what if

What if? Those two words separately mean virtually nothing. But put them together, and you have the most powerful question in the world. This is a question that stops you dead in your tracks. It’s a question that makes you second-guess yourself from doing the things you really want to do. It’s the portal into the unknown. Once you step into this world, it’s nearly impossible to find your way out.

Those two words used to be running through my head constantly. I would come up with hundreds of different scenarios as to why I shouldn’t do something.  I would let them haunt my dreams and scare me away from the things I loved. I don’t think that I was ever able to process the truth behind those words—they are just words. I was never able to fully grasp the power of the human mind and the freefall that those words will send it into. Which is why I continued to find myself at the bottom of a new hole, buried in every scenario I’d come up with that day.

Those words wouldn’t just stop me from doing what I wanted to. They would also help me come up with many more reasons to worry about stupid things. I would hear something on the news and come up with a bunch of what if stories as to what could happen with this news story. I can’t even begin to try and count the amount of times I came to my mom with what if. She’d probably grown so sick of hearing those words come out of my mouth, knowing that I was just continuously going in circles with it. Yet, she never stopped listening.

For the most part I’ve only ever experienced those words in a bad way. I know that they don’t always have to be bad though. They can be used as motivation in some ways. If you are afraid to do something—what if I succeed can be a very powerful argument.

Whenever I find myself hurting because of those words, I’ve learned to close my eyes and tell myself over and over again: This isn’t real… All of those crazy what if’s that I drown myself with are NOT real. It is just my imagination running me tired.

At this point in my life I’m so exhausted by those two words. I remind myself daily that they hold no significance in my life. They will not trap me in a corner and hurt me anymore. It isn’t worth it. If you want to do something, do it. And if you ever find yourself with those words running through your head. Stop. Remind yourself that it isn’t real. Remind yourself that they hold no power over you. Remind yourself that you are capable of anything, and the idea of what if will not hold you back from taking a step forward.

-Kelsi

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