A lot of the time I find myself in a daze. Nothing is necessarily wrong with me, but I just find that I don’t feel the need to talk, or be around others. It feels like my voice got lost somewhere inside my head, and my thoughts are racing as fast as they can, trying to distract me from finding the voice again.
It’s a really weird feeling. It causes everyone around me to think that something is wrong. I mean, yes, somethings wrong— but it’s nothing I haven’t dealt with my whole life, so I’m used to it. I’ve learned to keep it from taking away my happiness. I only allow it to go as far as shutting me down to the outside world; which may sound a bit extreme now that I say it. It doesn’t feel extreme to me, though. It feels normal.
I wish that I had the ability to write down every thought that crosses my mind. It’s impossible, because the damn thing moves so fast. Even while being in the moment and writing, the amount of words I lose because of how fast things are flying through my head is insane.
I think everyone has days, or moments where they just feel eh. They aren’t sad, but they aren’t beaming with light either. It’s like the need to be just disappears, but your body is still here. Sometimes it’s nice to be in that daze, though. It can be good to sit with your own thoughts, because that’s where you truly find out who you are.
If you are someone who doesn’t find yourself going into a daze every-so-often, I say you should put yourself in one. Find a quiet space and just sit. Allow your mind to completely take over. It can honestly be scary as hell, but I think it’s critical for someone to just let their mind tell them exactly what’s going on within it. And meditation is a very good, and healthy way to practice this. I don’t know of any negative things that have come from meditation. The idea of getting to know yourself and the world around you in a mindful way, can only bring positivity.
A lot of the time I think that these dazes can be a sign of depression. In certain cases I definitely agree— that’s proven to be true for me many times. But, many other times, my thoughts just become too much for me to handle, so I freeze out. The thoughts that go through my head are almost impossible to identify. When I sit down and write, it takes so much of my concentration to stay on one topic. I absolutely cannot stop my hands from typing for more than a minute otherwise it takes forever to get back on track. In some ways that could be a good sign. Well, in every way it’s a good sign if I look at it with a certain perspective. It shows that I have a lot to say.
Most of my life, my thoughts were my biggest fear. I couldn’t take silence because I was afraid to let my mind wander. It proved too many times that it never brought back anything good. Now, though, I enjoy testing myself with silence. For the most part, I’ve learned to move past the bad thoughts and turn them into good. When I started meditating, about three months ago, that’s really when things became a lot less scary for me. Thoughts are completely harmless until you take action on them. And meditation helped me realize that it’s my choice whether or not that action happens.
Allow your mind to run free. Explore every corner of your brain and try not to be afraid if you run into something you don’t really like. That’s going to happen, and you’re not crazy because of it. The more in-touch with your mind you are, the happier you will be.
I just want to mention an app I use when I meditate. It really explains what meditation is all about and guides you through it. It’s called Calm.