i don’t know

Here I am posting super late again. Yesterday I said I would talk a little about why my blogs have been a bit shorter. Maybe it’s just me who has noticed. But it’s not really a problem with my writing as much as it’s a problem with me.

I’ve always had very vivid dreams, and I always remember them. It used to be something that made me excited to fall asleep; wondering what I was going to dream about then. Ever since I can remember, my dreams have been kind of synced to each other. They all follow some weird pattern, and I’ve had a few dreams more than one or two times. I guess that’s always been a cool thing in my opinion. And I experience déjà vu at a very high rate.

I’m realizing as I write this, the more I reveal the more crazy I’ll sound. So let’s see how much I decide to tell…

It has never been easy for me to wake up in the morning. It’s hard to explain fully, but it’s because I get trapped inside my dreams; literally every morning. It’s as though I could sleep forever and live the life in my dreams that’s been progressing along at the same rate as my real life. When I try to wake up, it pulls me in way deeper and I just get stuck, forgetting that I have something else to wake up to.

What’s hard to understand is how all of them are connected, and how I remember every single one. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but there is another life being lived inside my head… by me. With these dreams I’ve also been able to almost see things coming. Not like predicting the future. Let’s not make it that much easier for people to call you crazy, Kels…. It’s just the feeling of things. It’s like I remember a specific feeling in a certain moment and know inside my head what’s about to happen. That’s why when things like; rolling my car; getting pulled over for the first time; or getting chased down by a crazy guy in a car happen, I’m already calm and know how to handle the situation. That’s why when someone tries to touch me, my reflexes are fast enough to push them away; and weirdly in a way like I was taught how to do it somewhere.

That’s all I’m going to say for now. I feel like I’m revealing a side of myself I don’t fully understand yet. But I wanted to be clear on why I guess I’ve been weird lately. It’s very possible that this hasn’t come across in my blogs/life, or that no one pays attention as closely as I do. I’ve just been struggling with what’s above and more, so my mind has been elsewhere. Now you know; a little bit. So there you go, I guess… whether you cared or not.

Have a good day 🙂

-Kelsi

Reading this back, it’s very obvious that there is more I could say. It’s also obvious that there could be a story of some sort hidden inside my reality, waiting to be written.

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