fuel

Yesterday I was reminded of something someone had said to me; something that wasn’t very nice. My junior year I wanted to run cross country, but like every other time, I got injured and was on crutches the entire season. This was around the time that I started debating graduating early. Once basketball season came around I was hoping things would get better. Instead they got worse. I started to gain weight and by the time I left Mendon to graduate early, I was heavier than I’d ever been. I was so unhappy with myself.

This comment someone had made to me was about my weight. This someone wasn’t just a random person either. It was someone close to my family. The comment hurt. It hurt me bad. But I just took it as even more motivation to get myself back into better shape than I’d ever been. It took a while to develop the habit of working out everyday. It’s been almost 5 months since the day I made the decision to push myself. I’m still not where I want to be, but I’m in better shape now than I thought possible just months ago. I’ve actually come to a point where I feel guilty if I don’t workout for a day. It’s such a relief to know you can develop good habits. I took my insecurity and the mean comments from a specific person, then used them to my advantage. I proved people wrong—myself included.

My point of this little story is to tell you that it’s possible. Whatever it is you don’t like about yourself can be changed. If on top of your own self-doubt someone else is picking at everything you do, use it as motivation. They are trying to put you down so you can’t rise above them in the end. And when you do rise above them, they still won’t stop. Everything you do will be analyzed and nitpicked, just because they want to see you fail. It’s okay to get pissed off and it’s okay to stick up for yourself. But at the same time you’re trying to defend yourself, you need to be improving yourself. It doesn’t matter how. It can be behind closed doors in a place and in a way that they can’t see. Let them continue to put you down, because they don’t need to see the whole you. The fact that they feel they even have a right to judge you shows how small they actually are; how weak they actually are.

Being able to say you’re becoming a better person inside and out, while they are still stuck judging your every breath is all the proof you need to know how good of a person you have become. So I guess what I’m trying to say is: let it piss you off, let it make you cry, let it knock you down, but also let it fuel your fire even a little bit more.

-Kelsi

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