3 fears

These 30 prompts I’m going to be completing are actually pretty deep subjects—at least, that’s how I’m going to take them. I’m definitely being forced to think a little harder about certain things. Here’s day 2…

Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears:

  1. Not living up to my potential. This is one of my biggest anxieties. I know what I’m capable of, and I know, so far in my life, I haven’t lived up to that capability as best I could. By no means have I been lazy, or taken the easy way out of things; I’ve worked incredibly hard my entire life. Unfortunately/fortunately (depends on how you look at it), most of that work has been done behind closed doors. If you happen to be someone on the outside looking in at my life, I can understand your perspective and why you may think I’ve taken shortcuts. However, I know the truth. I know I can do so much more than I already have—and I could have done what’s already done so. much. better. My point being, I’m afraid I’ll fall into old habits and let myself down in a time where I really could’ve used more of myself for the better.
  2. Losing my ability to write or story tell. This seems like a crazy fear to have; I’ve constantly reminded myself of that fact. The problem is, somehow I’ve lost everything I’ve ever had a passion for—specifically, basketball. Before you go off and say, “you left halfway through junior year, that was your choice. You didn’t have to lose basketball, you chose to lose it.” Please just stop. Basketball was taken from me long before I was a junior. It was ripped from my soul the second my arm snapped in half 8th-grade-year, and I fought for 3 years to get that passion back. Every time I came close, physical injury or mental illness setbacks pushed me further away. I’m not going to go on and tell the full story of why I left school/basketball at such a weird time. Instead, I’ll just say that I’m constantly worried—in the back on my mind—that some crazy dark-magic-thing will take writing away from me as well.
  3. How I will live my life without Lilly (my dog). To those of you who don’t know me, Lilly is my best friend. Her 13th birthday is coming up, which makes her pretty old. I remember being 4 and begging my mom for a puppy. That was the only thing I wanted. I have vivid memories of going into her room while she was doing homework and annoying her enough to make her head spin. Finally, one day she and my grandma took me to go look at some puppies. I was told repeatedly that we were just there to look—I was not getting a dog that day. To shorten the story…I left with a puppy as my birthday present, thanks to my grandma and mom. I don’t have barely two memories of my life before Lilly. She’s always been by my side. She has saved me countless times. I’ve always had her, and she’s always had me. I’m aware of the fear in the people closest to me about what I’ll do when she does pass away. I’ll admit, I’m more afraid than they think I am. It’s hard to imagine who or what could possibly replace the love Lilly has given me. And I don’t know if it’s possible for anything to fill that hole.

Okay. Throughout this entire thing I wanted to explain how I am handling these fears so they don’t control me…that wasn’t part of the prompt. So, you just get my fears with no explanation of how I’ll be okay. Yay.

-Kelsi

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