i am okay – 2 in 1

I have to be honest, I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now. My mind is going absolutely crazy with ideas. There are so many things I need to do; so many options to choose from. How am I supposed to know which is the right one to start with? Well, I know the answer to that…I don’t. I simply have to start. And when these kinds of thoughts consume my mind, I seem to disappear from the real world—which makes people constantly question whether or not I’m okay. If I didn’t have to talk to others, I wouldn’t, because I can’t stand knowing I’ll have to try to convince someone I’m fine every time I leave my room. It’s not easy to explain what’s going on inside your head—especially to people who won’t understand—so, it’s better to just handle it on my own.

Some things aren’t meant to be shared. You go through things in life that you need to go through on your own. You may get quiet, tired, overwhelmed, or just become something else entirely, but you deal with it. It’s not because no one will care, I’m sure you have plenty of people who care—I know I do. But I can’t make them understand my thoughts; I can’t take their inevitable confusion. What’s important to me is definitely far from what’s important to them. It’s so tiring having the same conversation, me continuously telling them to just stop assuming I’m not okay, and their same counter—that they can tell I’m acting different. Someday, maybe I’ll be able to tell you all of the things that fill my head. Until then, let me continue to figure it out my own way…I’ve done pretty good so far.

-Kelsi

14:30

Describe 5 strengths you have:

  1. I listen. People can talk to me, and they do. I won’t open my mouth if they have something they need to get out. However, I also listen to my surroundings—not just with my ears, but with my entire body. I pay attention to everything; I see and hear details no one else would. Honestly, it’s the reason I’m still here.
  2. Self discipline is a big one for me. It’s something I learned, by choice, at a young age. I’m not going to lie, it’s put me a step ahead in a lot of different categories. Discipline is something you can always improve, and I’m learning to do that every time I open my eyes.
  3. I feel like I can adapt really well. The amount of times I’ve had to move, or have the setting altered in some way, has really forced this strength onto me. Now that I’ve acquired it, I plan to use it regularly. My life will be spent exploring, so being able to adapt will be extremely important.
  4. If I want something, I fight for it. I will not back down from anything or anyone. This has helped me overcome the scariest parts of my mental illness, graduate early, and even continue to write.
  5. Kindness. I know I mentioned this being a weakness. Yes, it can be, sometimes. However, if you’re kind, without hurting yourself in the process, it’s the greatest strength of them all. Kindness is what the world needs. For some reason, we’ve failed to see its power to heal. I really hope we can figure that out, sooner rather than later.

-Kelsi

Two blogs in one. This won’t happen again. Unfortunately, life hits you hard unexpectedly. I hope you all had a great day!

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