making beautiful things

I want to spend my life making beautiful things even if nobody cares. 

That’s how I feel. Which is why I haven’t taken sharing my words as seriously this year. Something inside me flipped and said, “Be selfish. Keep everything to yourself.” I think I came to a point where I was so sick of putting myself out there—in my writing and in real life—and feeling like I wasn’t getting anything in return. So, I spent this whole year incognito. Almost as if I wrapped myself inside a skin that didn’t belong to me, using it as some kind of armor to get through those months and experiences. I could have lived a hell of a lot longer in that skin if I didn’t snap myself out of it. 

If I’m being honest, I still haven’t completely taken that armor off. It’s something I’ve grown quite used to—and not in a good way. On multiple occasions, this last year, I’ve looked myself in the mirror not at all recognizing the person staring back. 

When it comes to my creative side, I’ve written about things I never would have otherwise. Which is a good thing. However, I would never go back to that person, even if it meant my writing was riskier. Instead, I’ll re-create the courage I had to write about those things in other ways. 

My writing is my heart. The words I’ve written that haven’t been shared are the most whole pieces of me. Not sharing those words has felt like some form of rebellion. 

What I really want to get across with all of this is that sharing yourself with the world is a beautiful gift. It gives other people the courage to share themselves too. When people are sharing their truth, life tends to become a whole lot more genuine. Sure, the truth is scary, vulnerable, and hard. That’s what makes it beautiful, though. 

There are two ways I could look back on the last nine months of my life. Either as a huge mistake and a waste of my energy or as one whole experience that caused me to see and do things I wouldn’t normally do resulting in many lessons learned. I’ll take the second option, being that the first has no positive effect for me as I move forward.

If you’ve got a gift, use it. Share it. Live in that truth so wholly that people have no other option but to pay attention to you. Don’t do it for attention, though. Do it so you can look back one day and say, hell yeah I did that. The last thing any of us want is to wonder why we never gave our whole selves a chance. So, start now, and go from there. 

With Love,

Kelsi

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