There’s things that are triggering
Things that are derailing
They come to you at the most unexpected times
They find their way to you
Come hell or high water
And they ease their way into your moments
The outcome of this is remarkable
In the worst of ways
And in the best
You react to things as you’ve been conditioned
Unknowingly
This means you may shut down
You may lash out
You may cry
See, these little pieces of information
When they find their way to you
They are looking for a reaction
They are expecting a show
That is what you give them
Almost every time
This isn’t your fault
None of this was your choice
You do not understand all of the ways you’ve become a puppet
You have yet to learn who the master is
And now you sit reading this
The words of a girl
On a screen
Who typed this as she’s been put numb
By a moment abductor
I’d be wondering if this has value
Or if I, also, am here to steal your time
I want you to think about your last stolen moment
What caused it?
How long did it last?
How many times did it happen before that?
How many times has it happened in the last month? Six months? Year?
What did you do to pass it by
Was it nothing
Did you simply let it ride its course and hope the next one didn’t last as long
Didn’t come so quickly
And when it inevitably did
What did you do
The same thing?
Did you trick yourself into believing you were trying to help
Knowing damn well you weren’t doing a thing
But where do you start
How could you possibly help
What do you do when there’s no one to call
And nothing to distract
Nothing?
That’s what I did
I sat
In silence
In pain
As the thoughts roamed my mind
Bouncing off each corner of my brain
Over and over
Replaying them
Over and over
Sometimes it was hours before they slowed
Before they no longer had energy to bounce
I felt trapped
Dazed
Hopeless
I allowed that to go on for years of my life
And on the side
Secretly
I was teaching myself how to be different
I was filling my tool box
I was sharpening my knives
It’s been five years
Since I last sat on the couch and melted in my terror
It’s been five years since a moment stolen turned into days, months, years
It’s been five years since I was a puppet
Do you want to know what I’ve learned in all of these years
What has now kept my head resurfacing above water
Quicker each and every time I sink
It’s me
I am in charge
I am the puppet master
I gave the moment abductors power
I gave them my time
I opened the doors to my home and I invited them in
That doesn’t happen anymore
It won’t happen again
Sure, they still come around
They still walk onto my porch
Knock a few times
And when I open to see who it is
They spit all of their words at me as fast as they can
Hoping something will stick
Before I slam the door right back into their face
They are not invited
And sometimes their words sting
But their echos no longer stay
You must learn to shut your door
Shut it hard
Shut it fast
Breathe once its closed
Make an effort to find your tools
Fill up the box until you need a cabinet
Fill up the cabinet until you need a shed
Fill up the shed until you need a whole warehouse
You are infinitely capable
You are remarkably resourceful
Do not sell yourself short
Do not give in to the pain
Do not invite them into your home
They can’t abduct you
If the doors are locked
I promise.
-Kelsi
Girl you are wise beyond your years!!! Your mom and step dad are my kids’ cross country coaches and I see your mom post your poetry and it’s so touching to me ❤️
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Hi!! Thank you so much. They have both mentioned you to me. I appreciate it more than you know 🙂
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