moment abductors

There’s things that are triggering

Things that are derailing

 

They come to you at the most unexpected times

They find their way to you

Come hell or high water

And they ease their way into your moments

 

The outcome of this is remarkable

In the worst of ways

And in the best

 

You react to things as you’ve been conditioned

Unknowingly

 

This means you may shut down

You may lash out

You may cry

 

See, these little pieces of information

When they find their way to you

They are looking for a reaction

They are expecting a show

 

That is what you give them

Almost every time

 

This isn’t your fault

None of this was your choice

You do not understand all of the ways you’ve become a puppet

You have yet to learn who the master is

 

And now you sit reading this

The words of a girl 

On a screen

Who typed this as she’s been put numb

By a moment abductor

 

I’d be wondering if this has value

Or if I, also, am here to steal your time

 

I want you to think about your last stolen moment

What caused it?

How long did it last?

How many times did it happen before that?

How many times has it happened in the last month? Six months? Year?

 

What did you do to pass it by

Was it nothing

Did you simply let it ride its course and hope the next one didn’t last as long

Didn’t come so quickly

 

And when it inevitably did

What did you do

The same thing?

 

Did you trick yourself into believing you were trying to help

Knowing damn well you weren’t doing a thing

 

But where do you start 

How could you possibly help

 

What do you do when there’s no one to call

And nothing to distract

 

Nothing?

 

That’s what I did

 

I sat

In silence

In pain

As the thoughts roamed my mind

Bouncing off each corner of my brain

Over and over

Replaying them

Over and over

 

Sometimes it was hours before they slowed

Before they no longer had energy to bounce

 

I felt trapped

Dazed

Hopeless 

 

I allowed that to go on for years of my life

 

And on the side

Secretly 

I was teaching myself how to be different

I was filling my tool box

I was sharpening my knives 

 

It’s been five years

Since I last sat on the couch and melted in my terror

 

It’s been five years since a moment stolen turned into days, months, years

 

It’s been five years since I was a puppet

 

Do you want to know what I’ve learned in all of these years 

What has now kept my head resurfacing above water

Quicker each and every time I sink

 

It’s me

I am in charge

I am the puppet master

 

I gave the moment abductors power

I gave them my time

I opened the doors to my home and I invited them in

 

That doesn’t happen anymore

It won’t happen again

 

Sure, they still come around

They still walk onto my porch

Knock a few times

And when I open to see who it is

They spit all of their words at me as fast as they can

Hoping something will stick

Before I slam the door right back into their face

 

They are not invited

 

And sometimes their words sting

But their echos no longer stay

 

You must learn to shut your door

Shut it hard

Shut it fast

 

Breathe once its closed 

Make an effort to find your tools

Fill up the box until you need a cabinet

Fill up the cabinet until you need a shed

Fill up the shed until you need a whole warehouse

 

You are infinitely capable

You are remarkably resourceful

Do not sell yourself short

Do not give in to the pain

 

Do not invite them into your home

 

They can’t abduct you

If the doors are locked

 

I promise. 

-Kelsi