To my brother…

To my brother,

I know this may seem like a random thing. You definitely weren’t expecting this to come from me, especially right now. But, I’m afraid, I can no longer keep this from the world. What I mean by that is, I planned on telling you this in private. However, everyone needs to know who you are to me. 

Let me start from the beginning…

We never ever got along. Like, you and I would get into full-blown WWE wrestling matches. We annoyed the absolute crap out of each other – to a point where people couldn’t stand being in the same room as us. You knew how to push my buttons, and I let you get away with it. 

I don’t know for sure, but I think you secretly enjoyed having me around all the time; playing basketball with the guys at lunch, playing stupid games with the guy cousins at family events, playing paintball, or even shooting each other with pellet guns to see who could stand the most pain. 

Despite each of us acting like it was the worst thing ever, we both learned so much. I knew that no matter how badly we fought if some stupid guy tried to mess with me, you were there to put him in his place. And if you ever had a question, I was always there to give you an answer (I was also there to set stupid guys in their place). We were always just there for each other. 

I remember chasing you with drumsticks after you pushed me off the top bunk onto my drum set — you ran outside, yelling for dad, in your underwear. I guess we liked arguing. And, I used to swear I would never like you. That you would always be on my bad side. You would always tell me you loved me, try to open doors for me, etc. I never let you think you meant anything to me. I was hard on you. 


Specifically, I want to talk about November 18, 2012. That was the day a long streak of injuries officially started. You remember what happened. It was the usual, fighting and wrestling because we disagreed about dodgeball. I got up to walk away from the fight, and you came up behind me and got one last push in. My arm snapped. Because of the broken arm, I didn’t get to play in my 8th-grade year of basketball. My freshman year was hard to push through with my arm still being in pain. From that November day on, my arm was never really the same, and my basketball career was pretty much over because of the other injuries I suffered. 

I’m bringing this up because I want to tell you something I never really told you. None of that was your fault. Let it go, brother. You didn’t ruin my basketball career; you didn’t take away all my happiness, and you really didn’t even break my arm. When you have incredibly weak bones, a break is bound to happen. It was just bad luck that it happened at that specific moment. I know how much it hurts you when you think you’re the reason I didn’t get a fair chance in basketball. Please, understand that you didn’t do that. I want, more than anything, for you to let go of that pain and the idea that you hurt me. You didn’t. 

Okay, now let’s get into now. I can’t remember when it changed…when I decided to let you in. You just stopped being annoying one day. I stopped seeing everything you did as a problem and started looking at you for who you truly are — my best friend and my rock (lol I started to tear up writing that). The first time you ever saw me have an anxiety attack was only a few months ago. I did my absolute best to keep you away from that part of me, I didn’t want you to worry. So, when I did finally let you see, it was because I knew how stupid it was for me to hide it and I should have known you could handle it. 

I could go on forever, but I won’t. I just want you to know how incredibly good you are. You’ve got the best heart, and you show me the most understanding and love out of everyone I know. I’ve never opened up to anyone the way I can with you. I trust you with my life, and I know you’ll always be there if I need you-you always have. Growing up, I never expected my annoying little brother to become my hero. Life has a way of surprising us. 


Before I end this, I want to tell you a few things I know about you:

I know you’ll never lose your spark, your kindness, or your heart.

I know you’ll always be my #1.

Life is hard. But, I know you will stumble upon your path soon.

I know you’ll fall in love, and fall out of love.

I know you’ll feel like your on top of the world, and wonder why you were put here in the first place.

I know you’ll have days where everything just seems to be going right, and have more days where it’s a struggle to smile.

I know you’ll soon have the ability to express your dreams, and always wonder if those dreams are worth it (they are, they are each and every time).

I know you’re going to change peoples lives for the better.

I know you will never run out of people who look up to you. 

I know you will always be a good example for others. 

I know you always have, and always will protect the ones you love with your life. 

Most of all, I know you’re strong enough to do anything and everything you want to do. Nothing you will ever want is going to be out of reach. Nothing. 

Lastly, I hope I can be all the same things for you. I know you don’t like to read, but I’d like to think this was worth it. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being my brother. I really do love you, and I’m not entirely sure I’d know what to do without you. 



“that’s the way i am.”

There’s this line I’ve been tossing around in my head…

“That’s just how I am.”

The thing people say when they are trying to write off any kind of toxic trait they, or someone else, may have.

“That’s just how they are.”

It’s bothersome. The idea that so many of us dwindle ourselves down to the idea that those unhealthy habits or behaviors are “just who we are”. I’d like to think we are all more than that.

As humans, our growth can be never ending if we allow ourselves to go down that path. We don’t ever have to stop learning or becoming better versions of ourselves. 

When you use that phrase to describe a human being, you are sending them down to nothingness…giving them zero room for improvement, and most importantly, enabling the behavior they are exhibiting. 

Every single day you have the opportunity to wake up and do something better than you did the day before. Whether it’s making yourself a good breakfast instead of having nothing, or making it a point to smile any time you get the chance.

SO SO SO many of us fall down the rabbit hole of “that’s just how it is”. And we live in that hole day in and day out. We stay down there and seclude ourselves from all the opportunities on the surface. 

You don’t have to be born an extrovert to start interacting with more people. You don’t have to be raised in a hard working home to have a work ethic.

You don’t have to be surrounded by professional athletes to take care of your body.

All of those excuses you tell yourself are there, ALWAYS. They will forever be right there on the tip of your tongue. It’s easy to develop that kind of a language with yourself. It’s one of the hardest things you can do to un-learn those habits. But, at the end of the day, all they are is habits, and habits can be changed.

I’ll say, one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself is to learn how to calm down in any given moment and say less. Externally and, even more importantly, internally. The truth of it is, this is a daily practice, and it always will be. 

The ability to give yourself space, and to give your most initial thoughts an opportunity to pass you by until the tide settles and the lighter thoughts arrive, is one of the best ways I know to keep some level of a soulful peace within myself.

One of my favorite people in the world, that doesn’t know I exist *yet*, is Elizabeth Gilbert. In her book, Big Magic, she speaks about how humans feel the constant need to have permission. How we feel like we need someone else to tell us what we are doing is okay. And in her book, she’s speaking mostly on creative people and the risks you may be taking to pursue your passion. However, I think what she speaks on goes for all humans in any given scenario. 

Give yourself permission to change. Give yourself permission to grow. 

You are allowed to give YOURSELF permission. You do not require someone to stand by holding your hand while you work on becoming something better. You can decide to do these things all on your own. 

You are capable of executing these things all on your own. 

If you have someone you trust to work through your “that’s just how it goes” habit, trust them. Work on stepping through that storm together. Help each other un-learn that terrible lie.

I do want you to know, though, that you do not need them. You can go on that journey alone. And you absolutely do not require their approval or permission to do so. 

One thing I want to leave you with is this:

Pay attention. 

I believe that most aren’t even aware that they have such a toxic language with themselves. I know that I’ve been talking heavily about my own personal language I developed with myself in counseling this last year. And it’s remarkable how much of an impact it has on daily life. 

So, assuming you’ve made it this far, let’s pay attention. Start right now. If something happens that you don’t feel so great about, let your initial reaction happen just like it always does. But once that moment passes, instead of immediately going on about your day, I want you to do something you don’t normally do…ask yourself “what if I was more gentle in this moment?” 

Take a second and play devils advocate with yourself.

For example:

Your boss yells and cusses at you about something that got messed up. You know it’s not your fault but there’s not a whole lot you can do because you need your job. But the yelling and the blaming has you absolutely fuming inside. When your boss leaves you alone, all you wanna do is yell and cuss at them back. And your initial reaction is to text your friend about how much you hate your boss, you hate your job, you hate everything. Everything is stupid. Everything is all going against you and nothing is ever in your favor. 

So you feel all of that, right? Okay, now breathe. Type that text out if you want, but take a moment. A breath. Don’t send it. Feel what you have to feel, let it pass. And breathe. 

This is a crazy thought, but what if you just summed it all up as, my boss is having a bad day, they aren’t in a good place right now.

That’s it. Take all of those pressures and those negative prophecies away from yourself. And if this happens day by day, you have permission to tell yourself the same exact thing. It’s just a bad day for them, they haven’t figured out how to navigate their inner voice yet. And that is okay. 

But, you have started to figure it out. You have realized there’s a new way to be. You have your head sticking out of that hole and you don’t want to fall back down in. 

The trick to the trade is understanding that there’s not really anything you can do to completely get rid of those harmful initial reactions you’re going to have, but that what you do in those moments right after is what will be acted out as your lives reality. 

Eventually, you’ll realize that there is no such thing in the whole world as “that’s just how I am”. That phrase is a made up excuse to stay stagnant right where you are. 

And you want to grow. I know you do. 

With love,


respecting your moments

Check the link for all of my poems 🙂 https://bellabooza.blog

Learning to live in the moment

It’s tough

With each passing second we spend most of our time thinking about the next

You know

Those moments

Where time and space fade away and you’re just here 

It happens randomly

A song makes the world disappear and it’s all that exist for those minutes 

Or your brain randomly spaces and your eyes blur on an object ahead 

Or when you’re with the ones you love, laughing, and nothing else matters

Half of the time

Those moments pass before we acknowledge them

They bless us and leave us

Giving us glimpses of contentment 

The only sign of their existence 

Is the deep gut feeling that we want more

And we’re missing something

See, I’m starting to realize that we aren’t missing anything

We are simply failing to learn

It’s easy to make life harder

It’s hard to make life easier 

Putting in the work feels draining

Who wants to learn to take in moments

Sit in their silence

Appreciate existence 

It sounds dreadfully boring

So, instead, we pass the time with anything else

Mindless anything else’s

Self deprecating, falsely beneficial 

Anything else’s 

And that’s the way life goes 

It’s the way life passes

There’s the reason people say life flies

And years pass in the blink of an eye


They don’t

Time passes in all the ways you respect (or don’t respect) it’s worth

No one is perfect

And nothing is effortless

The work is worth the reward

The moments are worth the attention

And the outcome is worth your life

Plan for your future

But don’t live in it

Pay attention to your seconds now

They don’t last forever

And tomorrow doesn’t yet exist


a remarkable craving

Check out the new posted poem pics. Just click 🙂 https://bellabooza.blog

I have this remarkable craving

It’s one that I’ve had my whole life


There have been years where I spend my life soaking inside the craving

Allowing myself to inhale each part of its enchantment

Literally, spending all of my time breathing through it


There have also been years where I run away from it

Refusing to accept that its existence is anything other than a fairytale

These are the years where I go through the most difficultly

My life becomes internally and externally harder

Simply because I avoid this one thing


Looking back on the patterns of my life

I find it odd seeing the points at which I start avoiding the thing

There’s no real reason

No explanatory cause

I just stop

Point, blank, period

I stop externalizing the thing


Internally, however, I spend each waking moment in a daze

I imagine all of the ways I could be using the thing for my own sake

My own growth

My own good

The hours I once spent bathing in the thing

Were now spent imagining myself drowning in it


Oh how desperately I wished to be drowning in it


The most confusing part about this avoidance is that I had the answers

I became acutely aware that I alone held responsibility

Each day I chose to think about the thing instead of drowning in the thing

That was all me


Somehow it felt safer to hide

I’m not sure where these feelings came from

Or how I continuously validated them


Putting in the work scared me when I wasn’t putting in the work


But this thing I have

This ability to freeze time and expand space for myself

It’s irreplaceable


It’s frightening how simple it is

How simple it’s always been for me

God knows I don’t have all of the answers


But when all I have to do is grab a pen and find some paper

How can that be anything but enlightening 

Why do I try so hard to avoid something so overwhelmingly powerful

And what steps do I begin to take in order to end this pattern


dancing in the rain

I remember the long car rides as a kid
Where the rain was pouring down so hard
Seeing anything at all was nearly impossible
This heavy rain used to make my anxiety spark to life
What happens if it never stops?
How will I survive if it keeps coming down forever?

So for however long that water fell from the sky
I’d sit there and worry
Worry about everything from drowning
To not being able to find my way home in its chaos

Always, eventually, the rain came to a slow sprinkle
And then it stopped all together
The sun broke the clouds
And the birds sang their songs

Imagine my relief all of the hundreds of times
I’d experienced this as a kid

Only now have I seen the truth behind the rain
I’ve found the lesson in the mud

It will always slow down
All of the nasty things you experience
The things that forbid you from feeling anything positive
Or blind you from seeing that next step

They never last

Certain things in life have to run their course
You can sit and mourn in the thick of it
Though that certainly won’t speed up the process

So why not simply change your perspective
Go dance in the rain
Laugh in its face while you stomp and kick through the puddles
Show it just how resilient you are

Before you even realize it
The only water falling from the sky
Will be the dripping of your wet clothes
And the droplets off the green leaves

You’ll be glad for it all
And you’ll be a little stronger too


moment abductors

There’s things that are triggering

Things that are derailing


They come to you at the most unexpected times

They find their way to you

Come hell or high water

And they ease their way into your moments


The outcome of this is remarkable

In the worst of ways

And in the best


You react to things as you’ve been conditioned



This means you may shut down

You may lash out

You may cry


See, these little pieces of information

When they find their way to you

They are looking for a reaction

They are expecting a show


That is what you give them

Almost every time


This isn’t your fault

None of this was your choice

You do not understand all of the ways you’ve become a puppet

You have yet to learn who the master is


And now you sit reading this

The words of a girl 

On a screen

Who typed this as she’s been put numb

By a moment abductor


I’d be wondering if this has value

Or if I, also, am here to steal your time


I want you to think about your last stolen moment

What caused it?

How long did it last?

How many times did it happen before that?

How many times has it happened in the last month? Six months? Year?


What did you do to pass it by

Was it nothing

Did you simply let it ride its course and hope the next one didn’t last as long

Didn’t come so quickly


And when it inevitably did

What did you do

The same thing?


Did you trick yourself into believing you were trying to help

Knowing damn well you weren’t doing a thing


But where do you start 

How could you possibly help


What do you do when there’s no one to call

And nothing to distract




That’s what I did


I sat

In silence

In pain

As the thoughts roamed my mind

Bouncing off each corner of my brain

Over and over

Replaying them

Over and over


Sometimes it was hours before they slowed

Before they no longer had energy to bounce


I felt trapped




I allowed that to go on for years of my life


And on the side


I was teaching myself how to be different

I was filling my tool box

I was sharpening my knives 


It’s been five years

Since I last sat on the couch and melted in my terror


It’s been five years since a moment stolen turned into days, months, years


It’s been five years since I was a puppet


Do you want to know what I’ve learned in all of these years 

What has now kept my head resurfacing above water

Quicker each and every time I sink


It’s me

I am in charge

I am the puppet master


I gave the moment abductors power

I gave them my time

I opened the doors to my home and I invited them in


That doesn’t happen anymore

It won’t happen again


Sure, they still come around

They still walk onto my porch

Knock a few times

And when I open to see who it is

They spit all of their words at me as fast as they can

Hoping something will stick

Before I slam the door right back into their face


They are not invited


And sometimes their words sting

But their echos no longer stay


You must learn to shut your door

Shut it hard

Shut it fast


Breathe once its closed 

Make an effort to find your tools

Fill up the box until you need a cabinet

Fill up the cabinet until you need a shed

Fill up the shed until you need a whole warehouse


You are infinitely capable

You are remarkably resourceful

Do not sell yourself short

Do not give in to the pain


Do not invite them into your home


They can’t abduct you

If the doors are locked


I promise. 


my favorite things in the world

My favorite things in the world are

The things that go unnoticed by most.

licking lips between smiles

eyebrows twitching in conversation

dragging a finger along the wall in passing

deep thoughts interrupted by a deep yawn

wiping glasses then holding them to the light

a thought that leads to a smile

the peace that can be found in a lonely night

a snoring dog

the sound a keyboard makes while typing

the safety of a warm sweatshirt

waking up on time

tea in the afternoon.

My favorite things in the world are

The things that go unnoticed by most.

obstacles to destiny

Do you ever find yourself in a position where you feel you’re so close to evolving into something bigger and better?

Even in just the slightest way—like you learned something new that you’ll now use whenever you get the chance. Or, you have been reading every day—something you used to swear you hated. Or, you’re no longer friends with someone who once dragged you down.

Have you noticed that when something in your life is trying really, really hard to go right for you, there is almost always a lot of unexpected things that are thrown your way all at once? As if the universe is trying to sabotage you to see if this new life is something you really want—something you’re willing to fight for.

In the past, this sabotage may have worked. Hell, you probably never even saw the sabotage. You simply saw all the unexpected obstacles and gave up before giving yourself a real shot.

It takes a certain perspective to catch onto the games of the universe. You have to be wholeheartedly focused on whatever it is you’re fighting to achieve or keep. Only when you fully appreciate and recognize the light can you truly see each thing being thrown your direction for what it is—a test.

This is happening to me right now. Actually, I almost feel like it’s been happening to me for a couple years—this last year specifically.

I’ve had so much heartbreak in such a short amount of time, I wonder how much a person can take. But, telling you this isn’t me calling for pity. It’s me telling you, that if I came out the other end of this year on a happy note, then you can also make it through whatever you’ve got going on.

See, I do believe in destiny. I believe in mini destinies.

For example: when you are at a store and your total purchase comes out to $22.22 and two just happens to be your favorite number—that’s a sign that you are exactly where you need to be in a moment.

Or when you’re driving to work and your favorite song you haven’t heard in forever randomly comes on the radio—that’s also a sign.

How about when you have one of those rare moments where you daze for just a minute and fall into a serene understanding with yourself that everything is exactly as it should be—it may not be okay right now, but it will be.

Lastly, when you’re reading a book, listening to a song, or any form of creative consumption when a sentence suddenly hits you like a train. Why did I never think of it that way before? That’s so obvious!

The last time this happened to me, I was watching Jane the Virgin, and one of the main characters said, “It’s a lot bigger in your mind. Once you say it out loud, it shrinks.”

That one line has caused me to stop, reflect, and realize my anxieties won’t become so powerful if I simply speak to them.

I think the whole point of this is simple. If you follow your heart, your gut, your instinct—or whatever you call it—you will find yourself standing exactly where you belong. Always.

With Love,

hidden jewels

Today, I want to write about a quote that I try and live by. There’s a lot. However, I’m going to try and pick one. When I look up at my wall directly in front of me, one quote hanging up really grabs my attention.

“One of the oldest and most generous tricks that the universe plays on human beings is to bury strange jewels within us all, and then stand back to see if we can ever find them.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

First of all, I love Elizabeth Gilbert. I respect the hell out of her and I hope she’s having a good day.

Anyway, I’ve read/listened to Big Magic at least twelve times front to back. So, I’ve come across this quote a few times, not including the times I’ve looked at it on the wall above my desk.

What I think a lot of us forget to acknowledge is our own magic. It’s so true. Each one of us has magical things hidden within. But, the universe doesn’t just reveal those things to you-you have to be the one to find and use them.

How do you find them?

There’s no step by step process. No secret formula. It’s different for you than it is for me.

The basis of it—follow your heart. Let the light guide you. When you do that, you live in your truth. And when you live in your truth, these strange jewels have no other choice but to come out of hiding.

So, do whatever fires you up and takes you closer to the light. Remember, sometimes in order to step forward, we must first step back to remember which way to go.

I hope you find one of your hidden jewels soon.

With Love,

will you – won’t you

I’ve discovered first hand—after hearing about it for years through reading—that whether you tell yourself you’re going to be okay or not, you’re right. 

The original quote is: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.” – Henry Ford

The past few months I’ve been doing this thing where I don’t allow myself to think negative thoughts for more than a few seconds at a time. Then, I force myself to think positive thoughts. 

When my mind says, “what if this bad thing happens?” 

In the past, I would say, “oh my, you’re right. What if it does happen? What am I going to do???”

Now, I say, “what if it doesn’t? Why don’t you stop putting worries into my head that have nothing to do with my actual life. If I ever cross the bridge of one of your concerns, then I’ll listen to you. For now, leave me alone unless you’ve got something really worth worrying about.”

And, I can tell you, most of the time our anxieties are completely ridiculous. I’m sure most of you would agree with me when it comes right down to it. 

When I’m at work and I ask someone how they are doing, a lot of them respond with, “I could be better.”

I always counter it with, “yeah, well, you could also be worse.”

It doesn’t bother me to throw it back in their face. Mostly because that used to be my attitude. Instead of focusing on everything I had going for me, I always resorted to all of the “bad” things. 

We could all always be better. There’s always something we don’t have that would make our lives easier if we had it. But, on that same level, we could also be a hell of a lot worse. 

When I wake up, each morning, I tell myself it’s going to be a good day. Nothing is going to stop that from happening unless it’s an extreme case. 

If something bad or embarrassing happens to me during the day—something that would have ruined the whole 24 hours—I let myself feel whatever it is for a few seconds, then I move on. 

“It happened. You can’t take it back. Move past it. Have a good day.” 

This also goes back to my whole 5,4,3,2,1 rule. Countdown from five. Once you reach zero, it’s time to move on with whatever you’ve gotta do. 

Your days can’t be ruined by little meaningless things unless you let them. Even the more powerful “bad” things that happen don’t have to take over your whole life—not forever. If you can develop an understanding with your mind, you’ll be able to navigate your feelings a whole lot better. 

Today, maybe, write down 3-5 things you’re grateful for and why.

Here’s my list (doesn’t have to be anything special):

1. My health – for allowing me to do all of the things I do every day

2. My dog, Espn, who never fails to put a smile on my face

3. Books – They get me through a lot 

4. Music – it’s how I start and end each day, with a lot of time spent in between

5. My car – I’d be really messed up without it

Have a great rest of your day.

With Love,

Kelsi 🙂


One of the most magical things in the world is words. They are how things begin and also how they end. Whether it’s through books, music, poems, or even just talking—words are everything. They make you mad, sad, happy, thankful—they just make you feel. That plays a huge part in why I love writing so much. The way something completely fictional can pull you in and make you feel like what you’re reading is your reality is insane. Or that when I write I’m completely thrown into another universe and would be perfectly content if I never had to leave.

When used the right way, words are the most powerful force in the world. They hold the potential to do anything from destroying to empowering and everything in between. We rely on them for basically everything. Imagine not being able to communicate.

Though, people underestimate the power of words way too often. Not thinking before you speak is a terrible habit. And being known as someone who doesn’t care about hurting people with words isn’t the kind of reputation most want to have. Yes, a lot of the time people need to hear something that may be hurtful. But you have the power to filter what you say in a way that isn’t so harsh. Be constructive and helpful, not rash and hurtful.

Understanding that you hold the power to completely tear someone down, or help build them up, and choose to help build them up makes you sort of a superhero. Every day we are faced with this decision and it’s impossible to be right on the dot all the time. You have to do your best though, because what you put out into the universe ultimately comes back to you. And I know that I definitely want good things coming back my way.

Most make the mistake of making bad waves while still assuming they deserve good things. Those people are privileged and not fun to be around. Strive to be the opposite of that. Be the kind of person others are drawn to. Make a point to light up a room each time you walk in. The best way to start, and keep that presence, is to use your words wisely. Because they are more powerful than we will ever truly know.

With Love,

someone’s favorite author remake

This is a remake—an updated version. A better version 🙂
The original post: someone’s favorite author

Something I used to talk about in a lot of my old blogs was the true power of words. Which is why I love short quotes and poems of all sorts. It’s all the really juicy stuff summed up in way fewer words than a whole book—both being equally powerful. Reading of any kind is good for the soul. Quotes are simply quick inspiration.

I do this a lot more when I’m feeling particularly down, but every once in a while, I go on Pinterest and scroll through some quotes. Not necessarily looking for anything—just as more of an aimless task. I remember, on this specific day, I was struggling to find a reason to fight so hard for my writing. Then, a picture popped out and grabbed my attention. I still have it saved on my phone. It was handwritten, in a cursive sort of way. I read it a few times over before it finally settled.

“Someday, you will be someone’s favorite author.”

Yes. I am going to be. Someday. There’s no doubt in my mind any longer. This isn’t to sound cocky or egotistical. But, more in a way that says, “Yes, if I don’t believe it, how will it ever become something real?”

I’ve never been known for giving up. So, when that simple sentence presented itself…someday, I’ll be someone’s Elizabeth Gilbert, Veronica Roth, Rupi Kaur, etc. Of course, I had to believe. I have to believe.

Being that for another means I’ll have to reach a level of success that doesn’t just happen. Getting there is going to be a process. It’s going to take a lot of standing up for myself, a lot of work, and a lot of risks.

I’ve already risked a lot; made a lot of mistakes. However, each and every one of those mistakes have brought me to a new understanding. Each one gives me another perspective. Which, in simpler terms, only brings me closer to the right thing.

I used to worry that all of this was too much for me. That I wouldn’t be able to come up with ideas each time I woke up. Oh, how wrong I was. I come up with new ideas each time I breathe. Though, acting on those ideas is the part I must master. So, each time I open my journal, my phone notes, or my computer and put words down, I’m strengthening that muscle. And, that is a success.

One thing I still agree with is that it’s okay to mope. It’s okay. However, you can’t let it consume you. On some deeper level, you always have to understand that the sun still shines bright behind the storm clouds; you have to accept that clouds are constantly moving…it’s not possible for them to stay above you forever. That’s hard, though. Isn’t it? How do you even begin to imagine the sun when you’ve seen nothing but darkness for so long. What does the sun even look like?

I know some of you feel like everything is trying to pull you down. I get it. We all go through those phases and sometimes they seem to last forever. I do know that accepting it (even though it pisses me off so much to have to accept darkness) is the safest way to get through it. Once you accept that it’s there and let yourself feel it, it’s time to do something about it.

Someday, I am going to be someone’s favorite author. I’m going to have written so, so many more words. I’m going to work. It starts now. It starts with each and every struggle—no matter how big or small. Every good thing that there ever was, has been the outcome of something not-so-good. Every successful person has their own tragic story that fueled them right into the arms of greatness. Use your story.

The only way you’re ever going to get out of that darkness is by doing something about it. It just takes one step to begin that process.

So, what are you going to do about it? I know what I’m going to do. Each morning, I start with my mind. I make sure it’s clear and still. Then, I go about my plans taking each unexpected thing that hits me like it’s nothing. I’m not going to let some wimpy dark cloud take away my sunshine—not for long.

I will always write. Even if it’s just a sentence. Even if no one is reading. I’ll always be here. I’ll always keep fighting. And, someday, I’ll be someone’s favorite author because of it all.

With Love,

word to the wise

Here is my letter to you:


You have been through a lot this last year.

Lost a lot. 

What if you chose to see it in a different way, though?

As each thing left, you gained two more in its place. 


When Lilly left 

Your strength was tested

And you learned that moving on was okay.


When Orianne left

You had to put yourself out there with someone else

And you were forced to take a step back and feel all of the pain.


When Bobbie left

You embraced her true effect on your life

And you accepted the reality of that disease.


When friends left

You stopped allowing yourself to be walked on

And you set boundaries for what you deserve.


When anything and everything decided not to go your way

You let it play out

One thing you learned

Above all others


If you are putting in the work:

Trying new things

Placing yourself in uncomfortable situations

Soaking yourself in everything you feel

Making decisions for you

Prioritizing things with positive affects

Spending time with the ones you love

Going outside and breathing in some fresh air

Reading a book every-so-often

Even trying some form of meditation


You’re doing pretty damn alright. 


Keep in mind


The work looks different for all of us

For me, it’s every general thing above


More specifically it’s 





Loved ones


Writing some more



The sky at night

The sky in general




Whatever the hell

Makes me feel good 

In a moment


Sometimes it’s that simple. 


Our lives are our choice

Don’t like something

Change it

Can’t exactly change it?

Change something to make it more bearable.


Live on

We’ve got a long way to go

I’m excited.


With Love,